That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
