Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
