I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
