I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
FUCK WHALES
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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