Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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