Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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