i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
