she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
