I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
