Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
