sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
