Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
