so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize