She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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