i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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