Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
