Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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