he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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