And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
