Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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