My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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