I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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