No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
