Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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