When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
