Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
