I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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