We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
