I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
