I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
