So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
