im drinking this country out of the recession.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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