tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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