Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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