You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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