I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
