I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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