I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
