so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
