Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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