just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I could fuck to npr.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
