I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
is it fun? or sober?
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