man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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