my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
