He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
