the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
