i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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