so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
