hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
