i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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