Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
People in love make me want to vomit
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm sobbing to NWA
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
