pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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