No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
