We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
