Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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