a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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